This is awkward!

Hello friends,

This is REALLY awkward. I am not gonna lie, I have tried to write this blog post for the last three weeks, but  nothing seemed proper enough to post. I have also been really busy writing short stories, the ones which I promised to post like a hundred years ago, but they are coming, just working some of the technicalities around creative writing ;).

Anyways, the reason this post has taken decades to emerge, is because I have no idea how to sum up the amount of things I have learned this year, in a single blog post.  There is no aspect of my life that has not changed this year, or any occurrence that has not changed my perspective on things. I remember that change was my biggest fear last year when leaving school. As the year the progressed, and more and more things began to change, I realised that fearing it was just going to leave me as a ball of anxiety. Furthermore, the adult in me was beginning to show through this change, so I figured if it was just part of the transition and growing pains of life.

When I say things have changed, literally every aspect has, I won't take you through this 11 month and 7 days metamorphosis, but I will take you through some of it, and the lessons I learned from it, cause we all about that positive vibes aren't we?!

1) ONE DIRECTION (OMG Nuraan, ARE YOU BEING SERIOUS)

So I'll give a minute to roll your eyes and ask yourself  "OMFG is she ever going to get over this?".
The thing is, to many people I look like an over-aged obsessed fangirl, but as gut-wrenchingly cliche as this may sound, they have played a major role in this 'I have changed and am a new person' thing. So given the many internet breakdowns on Zayn Malik leaving the band I am sure you could tel that I didn't take that very well. Thing is, is wasn't really about the fact that I wasn't going to see the guy perform live or ever hear his angelic voice alongside the other boys, it was mainly around the disappointment of it being announced 3 days before my birthday, and a week before the MUCH anticipated concert. Like everyone knows I really don't wear my heart on my sleeve or show much emotion around anything or 'anyone' (rolls eyes), so when the One Thing (yes, cheesy one direction reference) that I did show emotion on failed, it literally felt like the end of my friggen fantastic fangirl fantasy (alliteration, YAAAAS). I literally told everyone I don't believe in love, excitement and holding onto the abstracts of life. So where are you going with this Nuraan? From this I learned simply to not put all your eggs in one basket. To allow time to take its course. To accept individuals for their choices knowing that it couldn't of been easy, I mean I am writing a long ass blog post just because I had to adult for a year.


2) TUTORING

I don't think I ever mentioned this online before, but in the past year I was a tutor to a few obsecure characters that totally influenced my perceptions on life. Most of the kids I dealt with were aged between 13-15 years old, but the place I tutored at had every single grade, even a few students from my old high school (which I miss SO much). I had gone into this, overthinking and underminding my abilities to do these kids well. Once I had met them, I felt like I had to do more for them than just make them understand how to factorise trinomials. Slowly, and at some point tediously, each student began opening up in a different way. I was totally honored by the fact that young, impressionable individuals were listening to ME, were asking ME for advice and thought of ME when they were in a salty situation. What tutoring had done mostly for me this year, was build confidence in myself, and the reinforce the choices I was ever so set on (talking about my career in teaching, duh keep up friends). As the academic year drew to a close the anticipated results were spectacular and their achievements felt like my achievements. Basically, where I am goijng with this is that opening yourself to something totally out of your comfort zone and succeeding in it gives you a remarkable breathe of fresh air. I am so inspired to inspire more, and aspire to be of the greatest educators one day!

3)MY CIRCLES ARE STILL SMALL #NONEWFRIENDS

If there something that I learnt, is that relationships do not stay the same after high school. As much as you try, it is never the same. I am not saying that suddenly everyone becomes your enemy, contrary to that, the adult burns from within and every sticky situation is salvaged with a cute whatsapp message. All I can say is, that those who truly want to stay in your life stay, and those who don't; it doesn't mean they dislike you as a person, its just they've found their circle, within  they want to stay. Also, the big, bright world you enter involves the meeting of various individuals who potentially test you to your very core. Those individuals even have the ability to change people you thought you knew so well. My advice to that, coming out of a year in which that was so apparent, is distance yourself. We need to learn to work on you, yourself and no one else. Thus, toxic relationships need to be disposed of quicker than  a jelly bean which has fallen into a rain puddle. Some (many) believe the university I attend gives you this superiority complex and therefore thinks that the circles small stance is quite bitchy but rather that than being drawn into a cycle of fake friendships. On the flip side, I have met some absolute gems this year who I am certain will remain in my circle. Also, there are those old favourites who I wouldn't/couldn't ever get rid of even if I tried. So, never be afraid to politely distant yourself from those who make you uncomfortable, for your bubble of happiness and the things that make you happy, should never be compromised by someone irrelevant to your mantras.

So despite these few changes, I am still a quirky blogger who loves reading, boybands, cupcakes and loving to people who love her.

2016 will be the year I work for myself. The year in which every blessing will be appreciated and every trouble challenged to become a blessing. Simultaneously changing and learning has given me the ammunition from refill the bubble I choose to put myself into. The bubble which will eventually float me into the dreams I desire the most!

Have a blessed New Year!
xoxo
-N